Royalty Goes Down the Toilet

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Royalty Goes Down the Toilet

If you hadn’t been so drunk on Queen’s Day and able to watch the news, you would have seen the future crown of the country Prince Willem- Alexander performing a very peculiar ritual. He spent the birthday of his royal Grandmother by taking part in the competition in throwing toilet seats. And, the horror of horrors, he won.

Sadly, this seems to be the current state of European royalty. If that’s the case, what is left for millions of hopeful teenage girls longing for the prince charming?

Having a Prince William poster above their beds is out of the question (sorry, ladies, he’s taken), so the only option left is to have one with the Dutch prince photographed in the most dramatic moment of his famous toilet swing. His eyes focused on the target, his muscles flexed, his wet lips slightly open…

Perhaps toilet seats will prove to be more than just a great source of entertainment and will replace some royal insignia. Who needs an expensive throne, when the toilet seat is much more comfortable to sit on? With some small adjustments, it can even serve as a means of transportation for the monarch, a much safer one than a galloping, wild horse.

So it seems that they only remnants of the fairy tale world we can watch in the “Shrek” movie. It gives me hope, as it probably does to those millions of desperate wanna-be -princesses. There at least an ogre becomes a prince, and in reality, a prince seems to turn into a toilet-throwing ogre.

I know they say that a lucky girl should wholeheartedly support her royal husband’s career choices.  But if the prince is concerned more with the sanitary issues of his kingdom instead of practicing his chivalry skills, I’d rather stay with the dragon.

Originally published in Univers no 13, June 7, 2012 (Download PDF)

Photo by Gilles Desjardins on Unsplash

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