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How to Master your Thesis

Just a few weeks left to your deadline? To win the final battle with the dreadful thesis, you can’t fight unprepared. You have to go through a lengthy and challenging training in order to survive.

The first step is to find your Master. Have your eyes wide open, for he can go under many names: Google Scholar Citations, Ice-olator, or Monster Energy Drink. Just remember to keep believing in his power until the very end. The moment of your doubt will be the moment of your defeat.

Practice swift and precise finger moves by doing a sport commonly known as origami. You will need to be quick and extremely focused to type a thousand words per day. Making a swan, a turtle, or your supervisor’s face out of a neon-pink piece of paper might also have a therapeutic effect.

Practice the art of moderation. You will be locked in for the upcoming days, so eat only what you have left in your fridge to save time on grocery shopping. Save water supplies and drink beer instead. And remember: you only have one pack of cigarettes a day, so use them wisely.

Learn to listen to your body. A long night of sleep will make your productive day dreadfully short, but pulling an all-nighter will just makes you collapse face-first on your keyboard. Also, seeing blinking spots where the typed words should be is probably a sign that it’s time to look at something else than your screen. Find your bal/A\nce.

Practice the art of focus. Ignore the temptations coming from the outside world, for they are not worthy of your attention. The warm sunbeams, the juicy smell of grilled meat, the sweaty sounds of a Salsa party next doors- all of them are nothing but superficial, earthly pleasures that are there to divert you from your righteous path.

Oh, and you might also want to give your brain a little stretch. Go solve a crossword puzzle or something.

Published: Univers no. 12, 16 May 2013